For caregivers, friends and family
You are here for someone else.
Watching someone you care about struggle is its own kind of hard, and most people do it without any training. Here is what tends to help.
If you are worried about their safety right now
Call or text 9-8-8 and talk it through with someone trained for this. You can call about another person; you do not have to be the one in crisis. If they are in immediate danger, call 9-1-1.
Starting the conversation
Pick a moment with no audience
Side by side is easier than face to face. A drive, a walk, doing dishes. Less eye contact makes hard things easier to say.
Say what you noticed, not what you concluded
"You have seemed really tired lately and I miss you" lands better than "I think you are depressed." One is an observation. The other is a diagnosis they did not ask for.
Ask directly, then stop talking
You can ask someone if they are thinking about suicide. It does not put the idea there. Ask plainly, then let the silence sit. The pause is where the answer comes from.
Do not promise to keep it secret
You can promise to be careful with what they tell you. You cannot promise silence if they are in danger, and it is fairer to say so early than to break it later.
Offer the next small step, not a plan
"Want me to sit with you while you call?" is easier to accept than "You need to see someone." Do the thing together rather than handing over a task.
Things that are normal, and not your fault
- They say they are fine when they are plainly not. Asking once is rarely enough.
- They get angry at you for noticing. Being seen is uncomfortable.
- They will talk to a stranger on a helpline before they talk to you. That is a good outcome, not a rejection.
- Progress goes backwards for a while. Recovery is not a line.
Look after yourself too
You cannot pour from an empty cup, and carrying someone else's crisis quietly will wear you down. The lines on our support page will talk to you about supporting someone else. ConnexOntario can also point you to services for families in Ontario, not only for the person struggling.
What we are
Pathway to Hope provides education and community resources. We do not provide counselling, diagnosis, treatment, or emergency response, and we are not a crisis service. If you need help now, the support page lists services that are open 24 hours a day.
This page is general information written for a wide audience. It is not advice about a particular person, and it is not a substitute for talking to a professional who knows your situation.